All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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