woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
