we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
