i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
