i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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