ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
