I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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