so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sext me about skeletons
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
