I smell stomach acid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
