I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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