i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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