Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
