If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
