was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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