I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
