dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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