Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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