Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
