I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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