one might say we're banned from that church
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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