Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have feelings that need drinking.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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