I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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