Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
