i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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