the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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