You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
