this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone came in the potted fern
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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