Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
