Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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