____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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