My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
