Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize