I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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