idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
