can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
