All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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