i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
