We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
