Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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