Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
