I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
