i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
