What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
