So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
