What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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