I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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