She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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