you told grandpa to call you daddy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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