Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
