so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
