She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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