Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
