When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
