I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
