I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
