watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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