so explain again why im purple
no
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
