So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
