I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
