New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
