im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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