I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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