meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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